Must watch, can't watch
I informed my wife last night that I was leaving her for Vincent D'Onofrio. "I love him and want to have his babies, " I said, and she understood perfectly. The man is hypnotic - currently for me the most watchable actor on tv. I don't think Law and Order: Criminal Intent is as good all round as the original Law and Order (few things are, let's face it), but D'Onofrio makes even a mediocre script bearable.

(On the subject of Law and Order, one of the biggest entertainment shocks I've had in a few months was watching for the first time an episode of Law and Order: Special Victims Unit and seeing how bad it was. Horribly cliched script and lousy acting - I couldn't believe this was the same franchise that brought us the other two shows.)

What's interesting is that the other stellar performance by a man on tv at the moment is utterly *un*watchable. Ricky Gervais is doing an incredible job in making The Office's David Brent unbearable. Every mistimed and misjudged joke, every little rhetorical question, every superbly timed sidelong glance away from the presumed "interviewer" towards the camera is perfect. Gervais deserves a medal for the sacrifice he is making in turning himself into the most despised and contemptible figure on the airwaves. He makes me cringe so much that I sometimes find myself hiding my eyes like a little kid with a scary movie, or I quickly change the channel because I can't bear the embarrassment he causes - and I'm an adult who knows this is fiction! That's a tribute to the greatness of his performance: you know it's not real, but it's so spot on that every moment feels agonisingly, skin crawingly real.

Ricky Gervais and Vincent D'Onofrio: can't watch, must watch.