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Wed, Nov. 17th, 2004, 10:00 pm
Just when you think America couldn't possibly get any dumber

along comes this Florida woman and her frigging ten-year-old sandwich that definitely has the Virgin Mary on it.

And the rest of the world wonders why so many retards voted for Dubya.

Tue, Nov. 16th, 2004, 09:46 pm
Have you been

reading the stories about how the Pentagon is scraping the barrel, calling back for active service Army band members, guys over fifty, even some people whose reserve period was finished?

It's pretty clear to me now that the commander of the American armed forces is Zap Brannigan.

Mon, Apr. 12th, 2004, 01:13 pm
Spam orders

Ever notice how spam message headers sound like really cool naval/military/Starfleet commands?

"Increase dick length now!"

"Aye aye captain!"

Fri, Mar. 26th, 2004, 10:26 pm
RIP Patches

One of the prettiest kitties in the world has left us. It was time, she was nineteen, she'd had a good run. We all said goodbye to her this morning as we left, because she couldn't even stand any more. Cindy and I booked an appointment with the vet this evening to put her out of her weariness, but we were both hoping she'd go at home, and it turned out she did. Many, many nights I sat here at the computer and she would come in and sit at my feet or right behind my chair, so tonight we're sharing the room for the last time. She was a wonderful queen bitch in her younger days; Cindy and I joked that she must have been an Egyptian royal cat in a former life. Then she got fat and we called her "cow cat," and for Cindy's birthday one year I found a card in the Brown bookstore that actually was an artist's picture titled "Cow cat" and we had a good laugh about it. I think Death initially had her booked to check out about ten years ago, when she got very bad fatty liver disease and we brought her home from the vets because they didn't think they could do anything more for her. I think she was so mad at the indignities I put her under (force feeding and sub-cutaneous fluid injections) that she decided to have the last laugh by getting better and then getting under our feet for the next decade. In the last few years she mellowed and was very forgiving with the kids as they showed their affection and wonder in that great, violent way kids have. We'd have to constantly tell Evan to be gentle as he gave her bone-crushing hugs or picked her up and then dropped her because she was heavier than he realised. But in the last few days the cow cat of old was a very distant memory as she stopped eating and stopped drinking and became very light, though up until today still managing to sniff her way around the house, her eyes having been for a while now just all black. So it was time, and she looks very peaceful so I'm happy for her, but we'll all miss her terribly. Good night sweet cat.

Tue, Feb. 17th, 2004, 09:08 am
Shaking off the monkey

We've bitten the bullet. On Friday we're switching back down to the most basic level of cable service: just the local network affiliates. It's been a long time coming but I'm feeling good about it. I don't watch much tv anyway, but there are a few programs I like to watch that are just on cable channels like BBC America, History Channel, etc. But the utter wretchedness of sitting through the same commercials every ten minutes has become too much to bear. No program is good enough for me to keep putting up with that. Besides, these days everything ends up on DVD (or VHS) at some point, and I can wait. Given the inane drivel that the networks run, this means I'll be practically giving up broadcast televeision altogether.

Congratulations cable companies, your shameless greed has lost you another customer.

Bye bye commercials--I won't miss you.

Thu, Jan. 29th, 2004, 10:10 am

Today President Bush announced that by the end of the decade the United States would send a manned rocket to Heaven.

Sun, Jan. 25th, 2004, 10:41 am
Hi there, I helped your children die.

I'm baffled. If I went on tv and announced that I was going to be giving away nuggets of gold to anyone who wanted one, you'd expect to see, very quickly, a line of people outside my house that stretched for miles, right? That's a no-brainer, an utterly predictable result following my announcement.

Yet here we have Colin Powell saying to the world that well, yeah, there might not have been any weapons of mass destruction in Iraq after all (see here) and I sit back in gleeful expectation that every single American who has a family member serving in the military overseas will head to Washington and demand Powell's head on a platter (along with the heads of the other members of the Chimp's adminstration) but instead I see nothing. No news reports about angry crowds of veterans and soldiers' families blocking the steps of the Capitol, screaming for justice.

Excuse me, but WTF is wrong with you people? Are your brains so rotted from television that you have forgotten Powell at the United Nations, presenting his "evidence" about the WMD? That's why US servicemen and women went over there, remember? all those nasty weapons that the administration "knew" Iraq had? That's why lots of American pilots, most of whom are probably very decent men and women who love their kids and their dogs, dropped cluster bombs and cruise missiles on cities, towns and villages, remember? That's why Iraqi families have been shot up in their cars at US checkpoints, why reporters have been killed by tankfire, remember? And it's why every week some more US soldiers get killed, or get their legs blown off, or their arms, or their faces - stuff that makes it hard for the kids and the dogs when those soldiers get back home, all done because Iraq had these weapons of mass destruction and was ready to use them against America, remember? Remember the scorn and contempt that was poured on people who doubted the administration? Anyone with more than two brain cells knew that not only was the administration's "evidence" pathetic, but that the idea of Iraq posing the slightest threat to America was the stupidest thing they had ever heard. But oh how the Republicans and their media lapdogs shrieked - you had to support America! support the President! the mad Muslims were ready to unleash chemical/nuclear/biological hell upon God's country! Anyone who questioned the administration was a traitor! There was no time to wait for the UN inspectors to continue looking for the WMD, there was no time to lose! Disaster for America was imminent! The US had to invade! US soldiers had to be put in harm's way and Iraqi citizens had to be cluster bombed, to save America from the weapons of mass destruction!!!!

And now? Well yeah, says Colin, actually there might not have been any weapons like that after all.

Why was I not kept awake all night by the outraged screams of Americans? Why aren't people whose kids got blown out of their Humvees in some Baghdad street not piling into cars and buses and trains and heading for Washington or storming the major network news studios and demanding the instant resignation of this administration followed by their prosecution for crimes against humanity?

I have to ask again, because I truly am baffled by the silence: WTF is wrong with you people?

Sat, Jan. 3rd, 2004, 03:20 pm
Cinematic goodness

Last night I watched one of the movies I bought myself with the Amazon gift certificate I got for Xmas. "The Third Man" - pure perfection, the film equivalent of a pint of Ben and Jerry's Bovinity Divinity. Part of the intense pleasure is seeing clearly that for the people who made that film there was nothing unusual about making a grown up film, for grown ups, about the grown up world. Today you are surprised when a film addresses you as an adult, because the infantilism of Hollywood (and of network television) is overwhelming.

Still to come from me to me: "Touch of Evil" and "Night of the Hunter" (long Homer drool). Give sacrifices and offerings of thanks for The Criterion Collection.

I should point out that my evening got started with a great bottle of wine and two musical presents: Bad Company's first album and the remastered "Bob Marley and the Wailers Live!" - two nuggets of 24-carat mid-Seventies gold.

Tue, Dec. 30th, 2003, 09:55 am

In today's Counterpunch there is a good piece by Mark Hand which takes up an idea from Matt Taibbi: prosecute for war crimes those media organs that act as cheerleaders for acts of aggression such as the US invasion of Iraq. This is an idea whose time has come. It is one thing to allow freedom of speech for what are clearly identified as OpEd pieces, but it is quite another to allow to go unchecked (a) a pro-war slant in what does get printed and (b) an egregious failure to ask the questions and chase the stories that any unbiased and properly interested-in-getting-at-the-truth journalist would normally be following like a bloodhound after a fox. The shameful performance of the mainstream US media in covering the dealings of this administration is not just a failure, but an active collaboration pursued out of self-interest at the expense of American citizens (and the lives of many citizens of other countries). Just as this administration has committed crimes and should be prosecuted for them, so should the press that has been its willing partner.

Mon, Dec. 22nd, 2003, 12:15 pm

Don't forget, if you aren't on Orange Alert right now, YOU HATE AMERICA!

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